I think I am going to break soon...
I don't know how much more of this despise can I endure...
I am going to either survive or die.

This is indeed the point of no return

Everything is such a blur in my life right now. What used ti be defined definite has now been reduced to nothing but pulp. Sometimes I do feel like life is really not worth living... Who are we living for? What is our objective? No goals, No aims, but plenty of unexplainable obstacles...

Why?Why is wakings each bloody moment of the day seem to be ten hours long, filled with grief, remorse, pain and anger? As people grow older, most get connected, they grow closer, friendships become stronger, life gets more living... But for me, it seems the complete opposite... Friends disappear, if not, they backstab you, or they help others turn the knife. What a wonderful world this is!

You got me confirmed. You told me that you'd always be there. You told me that a problem shared, is a problem halved, but now you use these secrets against me, THANK YOU SOO MUCH!!!

Outing on 24th May 2009(Mavis's grandma Version)

Its been almost about a month since I tapped anything in this box. Not really busy, but have had my exams which I fared badly in... If I'm not wrong I might be one of the last in the class... but what is done is done.

Mavis, Aloysius and I went to watch Night at the Museum 2 at West Mall on the 24th of May. It was a call between Night at the Museum 2 or Angels and Demons. As much as Mavis tried to persuade us to watch Angels and Demons, we pretty much ignored her plea as Angels and Demons is an anti-catholic flick which does not benefit us especially when we will be having our confirmation this Saturday. When we booked our seats, we told the lady that we wanted center seats in the fifth row. Yes, she gave us seats in the fifth row but gave us seats right at the end of the center column. Does she not understand ENGLISH??!!

Anyways, Night at the Museum2 had not met my expectations, I feel that the original film was better and the story line was weak with numerous feeble jokes that did not evoke any sense of lasting amusement. Furthermore, the execution of the film was poor. To add on, the seats were rather narrow(does not mean that I'm fat) and uncomfortable, Cineleisure is way better.

After the movie, we went to the comic shop, Comic connection or something... Mavis went pretty nutty over these guys on a key chain. Forgive me Mavis, but I don't find them cute and you do know that these 'guys' are NOT real right? Please say yes.

Finally we had teatime at Macs. Though it was just ice-cream, it was rather filling for me. Mavis, who claimed to eat really slowly, finished her ice-cream in 15 minutes flat. And surprise, surprise, Aloysius prefers strawberry sundae to the chocolate one... Now that is really rare.. Anyways we were talking about Chinese Os and Mavis had to take out her study stuff to cram for it in front of us, giving us MORE pressure. Thanks Mavis!

Then we took a train and bus to Mavis's house to look at her confirmation outfit and try to persuade her mom to give up on the Victorian dress.. By the way, its not from the Victorian age though being of an ivory color gives it an aged look. Sorry if I hurt your parents feelings but it was of the wrong color anyway.

I wont bother to type out about my house but you get the Picture. This post is for the lazy Mavis, who oh-so-kindly wrote to look here for the post. I promised her a grand mother Version thus it is written in almost perfect English and as lengthy as possible.

Why do you Leave?

I finally got my perspective on why people get married. Some may think that my vision is flawed but this is how I can identify with it so chill.

People get married only because they are scared that the one they love will leave them, hence they say 'Till death do us part'. Some say it is a pledge of love but how deep does this attachment run until they promise to be one for life?

Perhaps it is me, but I feel that this year, I am losing too many friends and loved ones. Gone is my beloved dance teacher, gone is my childhood friend, gone are my best friends. While others do not cut off contact immediately, they fade away, until their shadows merge with those of the surroundings, engulfing all that is there. Why do they choose others? Why not me? Why this year?

Perhaps it is me, but all around me are finding people that they can attach themselves for forever. But I am always standing there by myself, always alone. Most of the time, I feel that it is my alter ego that is talking to the other people, or is it the real me that is resisting change?

Change happens all around us. Change happens too quickly, too rapidly that we do not stop to show appreciation to people around us, to what we have. Perhaps I can call it complacency but I feel that I do need a little hand of hope.

When will it come? Will you stay there with me?

Please do.

Geo(Jog) to Emo

Hi. I cant remember if I wrote about the NUS Geography Challenge but I think I did. But then again, I am too lazy to search it up. I am supposed to do homework and revision now, but I'm going to drive my mom crazy with dance music and waste time...

Ha. On 4th April 2009, 5 SMSS gals are going to embark on a vigorous Geo-Trail, without the teachers, without communication devices and only their legs and Ez-link cards. Yes. I AM going. YAY!! Not that I enjoy Geo that I decided to volunteer for this competition but because the teacher signed me up for last year but I withdrew cuz I had ballet. Though I do have ballet again, I desperately want to participate to leave a legacy, especially since its like the first time SMSS got into the second round. Haix....

Oh. I saw Zachary on the 190 today. He's VERY tall yet he carried such a puny bag, the type that can max, put water bottle.-.-'' This is not the first day of school leh... Should he be carrying at least a school book?! Anyways....

Now's the emo part.So skip it if you cant take it.

She used to be a very good friend of mine, but now I'm beginning to doubt her. Its as though she is trying to distance herself from me... But I have no idea why... Does she despise me because she is in a better class than me? Or is it because I know quite a bit of her that it scares her? Or that I do not treat her special one well enough to her liking? Or is it because of how I behave?

Then again, her friends are also treating me the same way. When I say Hi, they give me a look of despise and disgust... Even Emily can sense that they do not seem happy to see us or welcome us at all. Only when they need a favor do I actually see them approach me for help, but straight after I complete their wishes, I feel that we become strange yet again. Or when I ask of any favor, they are always unable to be there or help me. Some times I wonder if they really cannot help me or do they just not want to help.

I wish and pray that they will come clean with me. If they do not want to be friends with me, just say so. I wont get angry, just wish that we could stay as acquaintances.

Confi Camp

Day 1

Not a great start cuz was late for registration cuz of school's principal's talk... Got a ride in Claire's parents' car and managed to play roti prata with her cutie little sis!!! Lov ya Rose!! You're my idol!!! Anyway, when me and Claire first got out, the facil called us 'Polka dots!!'. Yeah. We were wearing uniforms but aiya, not need to call us like that... its not like we need to be noticed even more.... Unfortunately, I was placed in his group. Yes. The one who openly mocked us. And he did continue the mockery for the rest of the camp...

Later we had some night trail in which we had to find out about god's Gifts or sth... at one station, I think it was knowledge or whatever, but we had to find 20 differences in a picture... He called me not to participate while he continued to call me polka dot and comment on my height. Yes I'm only 146... Way shorter than the others but there's no need to call me the little girl...... Arrghhh.....

Found out that I was in another sleeping dorm as claire, mavis and Marcia!!! They they are in a dorm all together..... And everyone that I know is sleeping in that dorm.... Sulks* So I went in to do some nonsense and tied my hair in some crazy hairstyle that made people notice me as well as talk to me...

Day 2

I woke at 6.30. had some long P&W session that I thought would never end... Breakfast was super pathetic... Then had to prepare for this skit... only 2 ppl were enthu, including ME! anyway, I led half a group to do the good side of money and resources(our topic). Not bad! anyways, had this interview with Father John-Paul and he was like promoting CJ... Not that its bad but I thought it was supposed to be an interview on whether we are suitable for confirmation...

Left campsite for ballet when the confi ppl when for a walk to lil Gui Lin... thank God I didn't follow... I had time to play hopscotch with Juliana cuz she wasn't bathing when They returned from the walk!!!we ended up jumping on one leg for 1.5+ meters.... haha!! It was rather hilarious....

We had confession in the evening... I haven't gone for confession in like 6 years and am damn glad I went for it... I feel tons lighter now... Anyway, while waiting for my turn, I heard some passerby use the F word about 7-8 times in 30 seconds... So freaky!!! Then. I had an emotional breakdown in front of the priest just because I said the opening sentence wrongly... Don't know why I couldn't stop crying fr what felt like 15 mins but I did...

Day 3

Woke at 7.15am... Assembly time was 7.30am. Claire and Mavis wanted to wake me but didn't know which bag was I in so they didn't. anyway, assembly time was extended to 8am... Cuz the facils couldn't wake up.Haha! What I could rmb only was that during P&W session, we were standing at the back and the SJI guys were so nice, they let us stand in front of them.... so sweet rite?

Later, we had to do clean up. We were told by our facils that we were cleaning up the big toilet where it was the filthiest!! Damn lucky they lied to us. that is the only time I ever felt so happy that someone lied to me... We had to clean the AV room. short and cool job cuz it was an air conned room. We had P&W again then we were supposed to have mass but the priest could not come cuz a tree fell in front of the church driveway... so we were released early!!! YAY!!

Ooh! I forgot, when we were taking a group video, Timothy,the group facil, said "Shermaine is short but Josephine is shorter!" Thanks so much! The video is gonna be viewed during the comfi dinner if I'm not wrong... that's so embarrassing!!!This is most likely the last time I am attending a church camp... so sad... Loved such camps with the P&W with such cool members. Miss you ppl so much!!!

Now, back to civilization... Haix...

Campie

Hi. Am going to be away for the Confirmation camp this weekend. Some how I don't feel like going. This is gonna be a short post before I run off to school AGAIN just for some Principal's Talk about Os...

I am over packing again. I said I was packing 4 tees but infact I packed around seven.... I just I just like more choices to choose from? Haha. Act, my maid is doing the packing... Hehe... Such a lazy bum am I...

gtg. Bye